Monday Reflections

Fulmar flying over the Bering Sea

Lists of 8 Tag

I was tagged by the lovely DJ Kirkby for the following meme which involves answering the following questions in blocks of 8. And she has been patiently waiting for me to get around to responding. Although I have numbered the below responses it isn't an indication of rank, merely a keeping track of whether or not I've hit 8 yet.

8 passions in my life [and incomplete list]
1.the world around me (but that about sums it all up doesn't it?), in all it's variations and expressions
2.exploring that world through walking, hiking, biking, skiing, boating, and general recreating in the out of doors and travel
3.the creatures in this world, wildlife, ecology, biology, and the human relationships to it
4. Science
5. Writing & Reading
6. small myths and little rituals
7. cultures, languages, and travel - people, how we explore and interpret the universe and deal with problems we face
8. my loved ones: family & friends & pets

8 things to do before I die
1. build my own home! My own tiny, energy efficient home (no more then 500 sq. feet). Everyone around me my age is having babies, but me? I have cabin building fever. I think it's something that's hard to avoid if you live in Alaska for a long enough time.
2. fall in love & be loved in return in a romantic relationship that has both length & durability 3. be a parent
4. travel & do research in Antarctica!
5. tell the people that I love that I love them (I do this but I never forget that this might be my last chance to do so)
6. learn how to play the harmonica & guitar (isn't the harmonica just the perfect backpacking instrument?)
7. take my niece & nephew backpacking (they're a little young for it now)
8. find a place to put down roots

A snowladen boat in the harbor

8 things I often say [er, I think I might have to get some help on this one...what do I say frequently? Honestly, I'm not sure I am much of a repeater of phrases, but maybe that's just because I live alone and there is no one to point them out to me. I keep trying but I'm coming up blank and it's holding up this post.]

November Birch trees in Fairbanks (2003)

8 Books I read recently [whew! something I can answer easily! I must admit that I read a lot and that my book pile is ever changing. I had to resist the temptation to just post my 8 favorite recent reads. Here is a list of the exact 8 last books I've read.]

1. currently reading The Road to McCarthy by Pete McCarthy (which interestingly is a book I have only seen on a bookstore in New Zealand and it mentions a small town in a National Park in Alaska that I did my thesis work in so when I saw it on a friend's shelf - he had been in Ireland - I begged it off him), a humorous book of travel.
2. The View from Castle Rock by Alice Munro (one of my all time favorite Canadian authors with amazing punch-you-in-gut stories)
3. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, translation by Richard Pevear & Larissa Volokhonsky (oh my gosh, this new translation is AWESOME. What a fabulous, amazing love story.)
4. A Far County by Daniel Mason (lovely, lovely writing...and amazingly set in a country that you know but can't identify )
5. When a Crocodile Eats the Sun by Peter Godwin (about a white African in Zimbabwe when Mugabe came to power)
6. My Dream of You by Nuala O'Faolain (I fell in love with her when I heard her book Almost There on tape, a book I have listened to again and again. A truthful story about the places that we find ourselves in that aren't like the fairy tales.)
7. Sabriel by Garth Nix (This was a re-read. A book aimed at teenagers that I picked up in an airport bookstore that turned out to be a great read as did the other two in the series...however, I tried to pick up one of the author's other series and I didn't like it so much)
8. The Children of Hurin by JRR Tolkien (wasn't sure what this would be like but it actually hung together very well and made a lovely story)

Birch bark up close (2003)

8 songs that mean something to me
1. Superman (It's not Easy) by Five for Fighting (interestingly enough I don't like most of the rest of the band's music but this song? It's the top of my list.)
2. The Edge of Night by Billy Boyd (this song, it's from a soundtrack I know, but it saved my sanity when I was stuck on an sandbank for 5 months with 4 teenage boys with the occasional visit from drunk firefighters who wanted to steal my dog or shoot our equipment)
3. Serenity by Clarence Clemons (listen to those saxophones, it will make your sould soar)
4. Let it snow by Sammy Cahn (you just knew this one would be on the list, didn't you? I love snow and I love frightful weather)
5. Nobody Knows Me At All by the Weepies (a good song when you are in a new place and feeling boxed in your own head)
6. A Road is Just A Road by Mary Chapin Carpenter (the new top hit on the radio when I lived in the middle of NoWhere, Montana where the two radio stations were either country or the God Station. I seem to live places like that a lot. Anywho, it came at a time when it seemed I was always on the road.)
7. Kribbeln im Bauch by Pe Werner (it's German so don't stare at it too hard if it doesn't makes sense to you. This song is about those butterfly stomachs and of course always brings me back to being in Germany on exchange)
8. I'm Alright by Jo De Messina (another hit song on the radio...this time NoWhere, Utah which expresses how I feel a lot. I'm far from home and from family and many of my friends and everyone thinks I'm crazy but I'm doing alright, all things considered.)

November boat harbor reflections

8 Qualities I look for in a friend
1. openness/ tolerance 2. honesty 3. kindness 4. an interest in common 5. independence 6. thoughtfulness 7. passion for something (anything) 8. sense of humor

The Direputable Cat in her favorite sleeping spot

8 people who's blogs I enjoy and who may consider themselves tagged if they wish. [I thought about not doing this part as some people don't like being tagged but I decided that I am going to list 8 blogs here, a random assortment that have not been previously mentioned on this blog before, whose work I like and if they decide to participate, great! If not, I'm okay with that. And either way it may give the rest of my readers someone new to read. If you go visit them tell them I sent you - because some of them I haven't delurked to!]

1. Tundra Medicine Dreams a blog about life and practicing medicine in the remoter communities of Alaska.
2. The Arctic Tern a sailboat blog of Devi & Hunter who inspire me by their willingness to retire early, sell everything they own, and take to the seas for as long as it is still enjoyable.
3. The Travels of Stacey and her Runaway Rubber Duckie who remind me of places I've traveled to and loved as well as inspiring me with new places yet visited.
4. Hypoglycemia Girl a fellow scientist and traveler.
5. Painted Maypole and the adventures of a thespian mom.
6. The Ed-ventures the chronicles of an outdoor Fairbanks guy who doesn't know me but who knows lots of people I know very well (and whose page I am totally guilty of lurking on). He has a recent post up on skiing to the bus where Chris McCandless (Into the Wild) lived & died.
7. The Happy Scientist another fellow scientist who is relatively new to blogging.
8. Pilgrim/Heretic a professor who will blog for cake and who has a marvelous post up on banishing your demons (which becomes more marvelous if you read the comments).

And the Rains Came

When I woke up yesterday it was pouring rain out, pouring. And with all our snow that made things a bit tricky. The streets are flooded with water over a nice two inch base layer of ice because the storm drains are plugged with snow turned slush. Funnily enough, I found it absolutely impossible to be cranky when the weather was being so foul. The Disreputable Dog and I half skated through our walk. Obviously I'm a bit rusty on winter habits - note to self: remember to put your Yak-trax (grippy things that stretch over your shoes) on before ANY walk. I'm beginning to remember the semi-crab like walk of winter in icy places, with your weight low in the hips, the feet kept wide, scuffing ever so slightly against the pavement, er, ice, no sudden high stepping steps which will surely bring one crashing down.

The Direputable Dog playing sleigh with my niece

The ignominy of falling here is not just that moment when you know suddenly that there is nothing you can do, that your feet (or bike) are going to go out from under you, nor from the painful landing on a hard surface, trying to catch yourself with something other then your knees or elbows, but from the landing in a puddle and not only being sore and bruised but also being soaked to the skin. Last year the Disreputable Dog & I were walking in the dark in a downpour just like the one we had yesterday and that continues today when we met a man coming the other direction who in response to my greeting said "Good thing it isn't raining out, isn't it?". He made my day he did. I couldn't stop laughing. And you know, it's been one of my favorite sayings ever since.

"Smoke" on the water

And my current situation is a bit like that isn't it? I want to thank all of you kind readers for all of your empathy, kindness, and ideas. I am excited about the possibilities for change. I know good things can come of it. I also know that this is a good time to evaluate my anxieties and my passions and try to focus more clearly on where I see myself down the road. I am trying to focus on all of that but every know and then, as on Monday, I just get overwhelmed, or maybe it's underwhelmed and then I focus on the timing (January is a lousy month to be looking for jobs either in this state or in this field of work and it's a lousy time to move and for some reason seems to be the time of year that I often experience major life changes), and on the fact that I haven't heard back from most of my application yet (well, they do take awhile), and all the what-ifs. However, I do know at heart that I am extremely lucky. I have a good education, I have a lot of skills, I have passion, I have the support of loving family and friends, and I live in an age where I can look for jobs anywhere as long as I have access to the internet.

Aurora borealis from Fairbanks

I'd like to tell you all, too, the day before the US Thanksgiving, that I am thankful to all of you for being here in this space where I can sort of talk aloud about the what-ifs. I think part of why I am questioning my path so much is because some of my experiences over the last two years have included such vast professional betrayals (and I'm not talking about funding) that it makes me question my fundamental premises for being in this career. I can't, at the moment, go into the specifics of what happened, but I am thankful you give me a positive space to explore my options. While it is always a better feeling to leave a job at the time of one's choosing sometimes it's good to be pushed. Now I am presented with the chance to more clearly define my dreams and passions and to explore them and that's also very scary. Wonderful and scary all at the same time. So thanks for being there with me, for reading, and commenting. I appreciate every little bit of it. You are all fantastic.

Cranky Monday

I have to admit, I'm cranky today. So I think it's time I 'fess up so I can get all of your sympathy (oh, listen to that shameless plug!). I learned recently that my funding is going to run out at the end of December - surprise! happy holidays! This means moving and it means finding new jobs and it means up-in-the-airness.

Now to be fair, I think it could be a good thing to leave this job. I've had a lot of heartache here: not the romantic kind but the kind where people get badly hurt on the job and the emotional scars are almost as large as the physical ones. And as far as I can tell, things are going to get worse here before they get better. It's long past time for me to move on. But where to? What to? Here comes the existential what-do-I-really-want-to-be-doing-with-my-life angst.

Yep. I love science. I love research. I love field work. I even love data analysis! But I also am tired of being impermanent. I am tired of moving every couple of years, of being the girl who is willing to go out to the most remotest places ever without any contact with anyone she cares about for 5 months, tired of constantly trying to build connections in new communities, tired of feeling like I'm always just fighting to get beyond the bureaucracy to the science. I have a strong CV, I'm single, I'm flexible, something will come up somewhere within time. There is a small part of me that has a strong urge though to throw my hands up and go build straw bale houses in New Mexico. Or something like that. Yeah, that's right, maybe it's time to leave the arctic (but I love the arctic!!!!). Maybe it's time to leave research (but I love research!!!!). Sigh.

So now you know why I'm cranky. Excuse me while I go bash my head against my keyboard. Actually, I'll probably go ski instead (see picture below), it's healthier and a better stress reliever and you have to breathe while doing it. Oh - and for those of you who are curious the Footprint Friday post has been updated with an answer. Thanks for playing along!

A co-worker, the Disreputable Dog, and Yeta (a tough little dog) on the first ski of the year.

Blustry Day

As I drift towards a waking state I am first alerted to the noise of the wind howling outside my house, pebble sized pieces of snow and debris hitting the windows, the sound of a trash can doing cartwheels down the down the street, an odd chiming noise that comes from a loosened piece of metal roofing somewhere in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, as my rental house is not terribly well insulated (I know! I live in Alaska! What were they thinking?) I can also hear the sound of my electric box rattling as the wind moves through the walls and if it was light enough I would see my curtained doorway blowing gently. I'm just glad that the wind didn't blow the window open in the middle of the night as it has done in the past, cold air rushing into my cozy bedroom peace and me having to stumble into my layers and go outside and shove it closed while balanced on a ladder.

Believe it or not, this photo is in color - notice the wave smoke?

The husband of a friend told me once that if Alaska was a whale this town would be it's blow hole. I must say, the image works. The Disreputable Dog and I brave the weather (the Disreputable Cat is cheering us on from the window more then happy to not join) and seek refuge in the forest from the sandblasting caused by the airborne sand that was put on the roads to prevent us from slipping on the ice. The wind, at least 75mph this morning, is quickly polishing up the roads into a fine glare ice and solidifying the snow plowed medians that already stand taller then my head. It is not unusual to see cars driving on the wrong side of the street this time of the year because drivers cannot possibly get across the barriers of snow that are taller then their cars.


Layering is absolutely key to this kind of weather. I'm still trying to get back into judging exactly how cold it will be with the windchill after the summer. In Fairbanks I could look out at the thermostat and dress exactly for that temperature. Granted, it got very cold there, the occasional minus 60 was nothing to sneeze at, but this wind is harder for me to judge. The thermometer says we're just below freezing but with 75mph winds? Ever since they changed the way they measure wind chill a few years back I'm all confused. All I know is that it's cold and that the wind cuts through many otherwise warm layers and so everything must be topped with a wind proofing, even my hat. It is also very critical to make sure that the ears, ankles, and belly have no secret exposures at any layer and that the fingers and toes are appropriately covered. The ears, fingers, and toes are all susceptible to frostbite and with the ears you never know it until you come in and warm up.

The Spilling of Oil

Okay, I can't stand it anymore (DJ, I am getting to your tag - I promise!) but I have to write about these two ecological disasters occurring right now.

Photo from a UNIS Environmental Technology Photo Gallery

1. The oil spill in San Francisco Bay, USA. This spill was caused when the container ship the Cosco Busan struck the San Francisco Bay Bridge on Wednesday, November 7, 2007 causing 58,000 gallons of bunker fuel oil to dump into the bay. Some 2,000 birds have come into custody (either dead or alive) of the International Bird Research Rescue Center and their counter parts.

2. The oil spill in the Black Sea, Russia. First the oil tanker Volgoneft-139 was split in half by high seas outside the Kerch Strait spilling some 1.3 million tons of oil into the Azov and Black Seas. Second, the sinking of a dry cargo ship near the Port of Kavkaz that was carrying 2000 tons of sulfur. Because ships were being run on the ocean that are outfitted for rivers, ships broke apart in storms and who knows what kind of shape those ships were in. I've been on Russian ships, I can imagine it. Supposedly there were storm warnings but the company CEOs couldn't be bothered to change their plans. You know, who cares if a bunch of seamen die and oil spills during the height of the bird migration. Imagine it...300,000 birds reported dead by the end of the day. The International Fund for Animal Welfare is helping assist Russia assess the impacts.

Photo from the UK Telegraph

Both spills are killing and affecting wildlife. Birds are usually the first hit. Their feathers get oiled and they cease being waterproof. Then the birds get cold and wet and hungry. Sometimes animals eat the oil which then coats their intestines keeping them from getting energy from food or sometimes from swallowing. Next are the fish who get the oil as it sinks. They die because they can't breathe the stuff and it coats their gills. The algae is coated, the mollusks get clogged. In Russia now dolphins are washing up dead on the beach. The effects of these spills will affect these places for a long time to come.


There was a slow response in San Francisco but California has mobilized, they have set up Oiled Wildlife Care Networks, there are organizations trained in the cleanup effort, in Russia soldiers have been mobilized but while they attempt to clean up seamen, who are trying to cleanup the wrecks, are simply pumping fuel into the ocean. I dunno about you but this makes me angry. On Wall Street there are complaints about the rising costs of fuel but they're talking dollars. I'm concerned about the rising ecological costs of fuel. And in case any of you are wondering, the Exxon Valdez has still not paid off all the money it owes Alaskans for the damages to their livelihoods in 1989. In fact they're taking the state to court to try and avoid paying money that is about the equivalent of 5% of their quarter earnings. Yeah, that's right, they're willing to spend more money to fight us in court rather then do the responsible thing.

(Note: I am not quoting my sources because they would be too many but clearly this is not first hand information but from various news sources combined with some background info from my own participation in cleaning up 3 oil spills.)

Footprint Friday: Gray Wolf

Location: on a lake in northern Ontario, Canada. The forest around is decidious birch forest.

Approximate size of actual footprint (not the foot drag): 4x6inches (10x6 centimeters)

The snow is about human calf deep.

Can you guess who made these tracks?

Edited to add answer on the following Monday: Yep, this is the gray wolf or Canis lupis. Doesn't it look just like a daisy chain? Up a bit, and not in the photograph is where it caught a snowshoe hare. Wild canines, unlike their doemstic counterparts, usually travel in pretty straight lines. He, I'm thinking he because their hips are narrower then females whose back feet are usually just slightly wider then their front, was probably dragging his toes along the top of the snow causing the drag. This is common in snow but not in mud.

PS - I changed my header/ banner. What do you think?